


[Re]Calibrated

by chshrkitten



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: (both relationships are completely one-sided btw), (of a sort), Character Study, Emotional Infidelity, Episode: s01e09 What Are Little Girls Made Of?, F/F, Fantasizing, One-Sided Relationship, Power Imbalance, coerced sex is discussed at one point but does not actually occur, compulsory heterosexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chshrkitten/pseuds/chshrkitten
Summary: “Dr. Roger Korby: Christine, you must realize an android is like a computer. It does only what I program. As a trained scientist yourself, you must realize...Christine Chapel: That given a mechanical Dr. Brown, a mechanical geisha would be no more difficult.Dr. Roger Korby: You think I could love a machine?Christine Chapel: Did you?Dr. Roger Korby: Andrea's incapable of that.”-Star Trek, Season 1 Episode 7,  “What Are Little Girls Made Of?”A character study on Andrea, and why she might have looked at Christine the way she did.





	[Re]Calibrated

Andrea cannot feel love. Roger has informed her of that repeatedly (as though he thinks she might forget, and sometimes it offends her, the idea that he would think her capable of forgetfulness), and Roger is her programmer. He is her creator, and the foremost authority on her body and mind. Roger is her programmer, and he has said repeatedly that love is beyond her capabilities. Therefore, Andrea cannot feel love. 

Andrea cannot feel love, a fact she would have guessed herself even if it hadn't been given to her. She knows what love looks like, after all-- she watched it develop in someone else, starting from the first time her visual sensors calibrated and she saw Roger’s eyes staring down at her, full of nothing but curiosity-- at that point. She watched his love for her develop, over a period of more than four full years, and she saw how it worked. The most visible sign was the gradual escalation of touches, performed without Roger consciously planning it. By the end of the second year, he was almost constantly laying a hand on her arm, or circling her wrist with his fingers, or turning her head with his hand. He likes positioning her head for her, even though he must know he doesn’t need to: if he gave her an order, she would simply turn and look wherever he wanted. Andrea guesses that the gesture gives him a sense of additional control, and wonders why he thinks he needs it. She doesn’t like it when he turns her head, or when he touches her at all, or the way he looks at her. Her likes and dislikes are not relevant information. She wonders, sometimes, if she would like it if Roger ever ordered her to have sex with him. Since she has never had that experience, she knows logically that she couldn't know what she would feel in reaction to it. But she still doesn't like to think about the possibility very often. It makes her feel like something is twisted inside her, like one of her wires is fraying, whenever she considers the possibility of his hands on her hips, his hot breath warping her smooth skin. Andrea knows that sex would not damage her, so it puzzles her that her mind makes an automatic association between sex and unacceptable situations. She assumes it’s a side effect of her inability to love. Andrea cannot feel love.

Andrea cannot feel love, but she wonders sometimes about the other woman, Christine Chapel, who can. Christine Chapel: the woman Roger loves far more than he loves Andrea. Christine Chapel is beautiful, and intelligent, and an honor just to be around, or so Roger has said-- and Roger is Andrea’s foremost authority on, well, everything, and so she always believes him. Roger speaks of her often, of his faraway fiancée with her blonde hair and bright eyes and quick smile. Christine Chapel is the woman Roger never seemed to stop thinking about. Andrea thinks of her, too. Which is only logical, she assumes. Roger is her programmer, and so of course whatever he is interested by, she should be too. And so it feels obedient, feels virtuous almost, for her to think of Christine Chapel and try to imagine what the woman might look like. Assumedly, her body would be shaped like Andrea’s, since Andrea knows she was modeled after a female form. Would Christine Chapel have the same curved hips, the same arched wrists, the same broad plane of back-- no, Roger described her as delicate, and Andrea does not know whether she herself has a ‘delicate’ appearance. To be safe, she revises her mental image. Narrow waist, slender arms, gracefully sloping breasts. And Christine Chapel’s face? She pictures bright eyes, button nose, flushed cheeks, perfectly shaped lips curving in the quick smile so frequently described. Andrea always pictures her standing in the sun, so that light would shine through her loose curls and illuminate them with gold. The bright sun would obviously make the temperature rise, so Andrea then adds to her mental image a sheen of sweat on Christine Chapel’s upper lip, making her skin shine like her hair, and Christine Chapel’s hand tugging on the collar of her shirt to try and loosen it. It’s a gesture that Andrea has seen Roger do many times when the workroom becomes too hot, and she assumes it’s a mannerism other humans would likewise use. But when she pictures Christine Chapel pulling her collar down to expose her clavicle, it feels different, somehow, than thinking of Roger performing the same action. It’s strange. The whole thing is strange. Andrea pictures Christine Chapel in great detail, and doesn't know why she does so. She was never ordered to form a detailed mental image of Roger’s fiancée, but the image still hovers in her mind day after day, and Andrea thinks constantly of a woman she has never met, and she doesn't understand why. She knows why Roger thinks of Christine so often, but of course that is different. Andrea is not a man, and Andrea is not a human, and Andrea cannot feel love.

Andrea cannot feel love, but she can feel an impressive range of other emotions-- among them shock, amazement, confusion, joy, awe. When she walks out to the main room one day, and sees Christine Chapel standing there, along with a man in a starfleet uniform, she cycles through all the emotions above with impressive rapidity. Christine Chapel is here, and she does have bright eyes and a delicate form and she is shockingly beautiful even more than Roger said and Andrea’s internal warning systems are reacting to the sight of her like it's a danger, and producing simulated endorphins at the same time just from Andrea looking at her and Andrea doesn't understand she doesn't understand---  
In the end, Andrea settles for stating facts, since she knows she must say something in greeting. “I'm Andrea. You must be Christine. I've always thought how beautiful your name is.” 

Andrea cannot feel love. To the best of her knowledge, she cannot feel attraction either. 

Andrea does not understand anything anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t kill me for writing this.


End file.
